October kinda fucked me over.
Amidst the usual sulking that happens in the two weeks between my father’s birthday and the anniversary of his passing, I found myself emotionally constipated with other shit. And I couldn’t process for the life of me; it just wouldn’t come out! I’m still backed up, with last month’s post stuck in a draft queue (I’ll finish it one day… maybe). This, with a spoonful of medical concerns, a cup of situationship woes and a sprinkle of an unexpected one- turn three-week layoff, all mixed in a helping of 20-fucking-20, you got yourself one hearty serving of anxiety.
So, yeah… After I had a massive panic attack during a doctor’s appointment, I decided it was time to exit West.
Every single part of that trip was life. I drank a flight of sake. I sipped tea in a garden. I savored a pecan-n-pralines ice cream cone. I gazed at constellations. I partook of “legally distributed goods”. I took pictures of tourists, while being a tourist. I had a long stroll along the beach… twice. I took several naps. I trekked the hills of SF. I rode the San Joaquins to LA. And I hiked the rocky desert of JT. I got to hug my best friends. I got to laugh. And I got to cry. Then, I bid Cali adieu as I rinsed off the residue of that bitch-ass month in the Pacific Ocean.
When I returned to New York, November awaited. And began the countdown to the end of this godforsaken year.
While the past ten months have been beyond unusual, they don’t take away what the last of the ‘bers have always held: a season filled with love, joy and gratitude. How timely, this little detour. It allowed me the space to reset, refocus and remember that, in spite of all the bumps along the way, I have been, and am still, blessed.
This month’s playlist was created as a reminder of just that… How blessed we are. If not for anything else, at least for the fact that we are still here.
Reflect. Give thanks. Enjoy.